for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
