Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
