Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
