Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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