Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
