Nicole vs. Life
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
