im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i will never coherently bang her
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
