Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize