her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
