Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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