you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
