mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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