I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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