when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
