A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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