Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
