Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
