I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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