So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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