she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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