Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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