I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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