remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize