My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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