You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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