If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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