I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
