just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
