Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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