So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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