were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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