His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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