sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
