Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
