Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
