I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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