he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
