At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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