Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Randomize
