so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
