...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
