Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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