i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She just used a chaser for red wine.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
two words...techno handjob
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
