Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
