I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
