If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
