CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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