the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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