the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
