Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
