Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
