I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize