fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize