Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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