New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
