Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
