No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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