i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
