I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
