he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
