i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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