when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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