If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
