I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
