i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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