i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize