Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
