I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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