I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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