She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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