I must be too annoying 4 u.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
