I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
