I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
