I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
