i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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