Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
