tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
