So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
